![]() ![]() And even among friends, there’s always an element of competition. With very rare exceptions, guys don’t talk about anything important sexually with other guys. Their only way of knowing is through porn, and that’s not real. Most men don’t know what sex is like for other guys. What value might your book provide to male readers? It makes him feel like he’s performing better sexually. So what’s the firmness about? What’s that hunger about? Why do they go to the doctor, take time out of their day, go to the pharmacy, and risk a certain amount of embarrassment to get a prescription? Why do they do that? The answer is that – in the man’s head – having a firmer erection provides more pleasure for his partner. What one has to understand is that the sensation for a man doesn’t change much whether he’s extremely firm or a little less firm than ideal but still able to have intercourse. That alone sort of counters the stereotypes that are out there. We see men routinely who may have adequate erections, but they want something for a firmer erection. How else might the drive to perform as a “sexual provider” manifest itself? They feel “unmanly” because they cannot fulfill their role as a sexual provider. They feel “unmanly” because they can’t provide for their partners in that way. Often I hear these guys say, “I feel like I’m letting my wife down.” They’ll say sex was an important part of their relationship and they feel like they can’t contribute their part to it any longer. But once a guy is in a relationship and cares about his partner, men typically care more about their partner’s pleasure than their own.įor example, I see men who have been married for some time and maybe now they have a problem because of age, or erections, or whatever. And that may be true for some men, especially when they’re younger and haven’t really emotionally been involved in a relationship. We tend to think of men as being always ready for sex, always interested and almost exclusively concerned with their own pleasure. Of all your professional observations about male sexuality, what might surprise readers the most? ![]() ![]() What happens behind closed doors with my patients is really so different from the stereotypes of men that appear in movies, in stories, in newspapers, et cetera. I often joke that I think of myself as a “psycho-urologist.” The reason I say that is because after you’ve been dealing with male sexuality for as long as I have, you’ll see that there is much more to this issue than just the biology of what’s working and what isn’t. So really, what can a urologist tell us about male sexuality that we don’t already know? ![]()
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January 2023
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